Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Please send strength my way tonight.

I'm off work.  At Colin's house again.  Mostly because I don't have anywhere else to go. 

I feel myself caving again.  Just give in.  If you suck up and beg enough he'll stop this.  You can handle his regualr tyrades easier than this...

No I Can't!!!  I deserve better.  I Can't tell him I'm sorry.  I'm not.  I was not wrong.  I didn't do anything.  ANYTHING!!!!  I don't need to appologize.  He does.

He owes me more than he can ever repay.  I did not deserve the treatment I got on the way home from Calgary.  Even the most heartless a$$ would have been more caring and supportive with what was going on.

I promised myself at Christmas I wouldn't let him do this to me again. And yet, here I am.  Thursday night will be the last time I see him for a few days.  Thank GOD.  Now if I can make it through to Friday morning.  It'll all be okay. 

But right now I'm thinking I'll have trouble making it through tonight. 

On a better note, I have found someone to install the trailer hitch for me.  They are taking one I already have, altering it, then installing it for me.  They have time to install it on Saturday the 28th.  I can hold out until then right???  Besides, if I have to leave sooner, I'm sure I can figure it out.  I just have no where to go...

He's not here yet.  I'm kind of hoping he stays away.  See's my van, and chooses to not come around.  I really need to find an out.  I just don't know if I can do this anymore.


  1. Oh no. Just saw him drive by. Not sure if he's stopping, or going. Please be going and not coming in...

  2. Yeah, he was coming home. Blew through here. Gave me some money he owed me. Not a big deal. I really didn't care if I ever got it or not. He gave me most of it, so who cared about the rest. If that's what's got him acting like this, he deserves everything he gets. He deserves to be alone. Have no one who can stand to be around him.

    He's gone now. So why am I sitting here crying? I think I'm just going to go to bed. So what that it's not even 7pm. Just sleep until I can figure out what to do about this.

    I need to get out. He's draining everything out of me. Even my ability to enjoy things I love. I can't get on my motorcycle anymore. I just never feel safe anymore. It's almost impossible to ride when you don't feel safe.