Monday, May 30, 2011

My daughter...

She was born in 1994.  I was back in University.  I was actually taking one night class a week.  She was born on a Sunday, and we were both in class that Monday night.  She came with me for the last 5 weeks of class. 

I met her dad Simon when I was in University in Manitoba.  We were in class together.  Things seemed great at first.  Then my mom noticed Ryan, my son, was scared of Simon.  I started to watch.  He wouldn't do it in front of me, but I started to suspect he was hitting Ryan.  No beatings, but he had no business touching my son.  Period.

Anyhow. we had moved from Manitoba to Calgary into Simon's mothers basement suite.  We were going to live there as a family.  I went to visit my grandmother for a week or so while things got settled.  Then I found out Simon was stealing from me.  He stole some government cheques, and a child support payment.  He actually forged my signature on them.  When I asked where the money was, he got mad and told me not to bother coming back. 

Here I was, 5 months pregnant.  Everything I owned was in Calgary with Simon.  I had nothing.  My mom helped.  She, my grandpa, and I drove to Calgary and got all my stuff out of his house.  I never spoke to him again.  I did try to contact Simon once.  Adrienne was due in about 3 weeks.  I sent him a letter.  I told him we would never be together again, but his daughter was about to be born.  I had an extra room in my home and he was welcome to use it if he wanted to come and meet his daughter.  He never got back to me.  That was his loss.  She is such an amazing young woman now.

Ryan, her big brother, adored her from the first minute.  He doted on Adrienne.  I was alone raising two children, going to University, and struggling with overwhelming depression.  But those kids were everything to me.  They were the only reason I kept fighting for my health.  They were so sweet. 

Adrienne was a mini me.  She looked exactly like I did at that age.  Same attitude.  Same everything.  It was interesting.  You know when your parents threaten you with a child just like you?  Well, I got one.  Boy, I was a tough child to deal with...

But Adrienne was so worth every minute.  No matter how sick I got, I did my best to do right by those kids.  They meant the world to me. 

We had quite a few trials over the next few years.  My health got much worse, before it got better.  But that's for another blog later.  Despite everything, we made it through. 

I may have regretted many things in my life, but nothing about my kids.  Not once.  By the time Adrienne was two, I had met Bruce.  Bruce and I were married in 2001, but again, that's another story for later...

This photo was taken on Adriennes First Birthday.  I have first birthday portraits of both my kids.  I'm not sure why I only have Adriennes on my hard drive.  I've gottta get Ryan's scanned in soon too.

This photo was taken during Adriennes first dance competition.  She took first place in her age division.  I think she only competed the once.  Such a shame.  She is such a good dancer now...

We are too much alike, and tend to not get along because of it.  But I have learned a lot over this past year and a half.  I moved away for work.  She did not want to come, and tried to make it on her own in Calgary.  She ended up moving back into the house with Bruce and Ryan.  I have learned that she is no longer my little girl.  She is a young lady who will do everything in her power to do what she wants to do.  If there's a way to do it, she'll find it and do what needs to be done.  Very determined. 

I miss her and Ryan more than words can say.  They don't know it, but I am considering just up and quitting my job in order to move back.  It breaks my heart daily not being with them. 

My health took a huge toll on all of us.  I have appologized to both my kids for what happened to our family becuase of it.  But I did the best I could.  They had a roof over their heads.  They had food.  It may not always have been exaclty what they wanted, but they never went to bed without supper because I couldn't afford to feed them.  I did, but they didn't.

I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have such two wonderful people who call me mom.  I just hope I can make it all up to them both someday...

1 comment:

  1. You daughter is so beautiful. I'm sure she knows how much she means to you and while you and her don't always see eye to eye she loves you dearly.