Monday, May 30, 2011

My son...

My son is 19.  He'll be 20 this September.

He was born when I had just finished high school.  Yep.  I graduated that June, and gave birth that September.

I was head over heels in love with his dad.  No idea how it happened either.  I had been living alone for over a year.  I had moved back into the house I grew up in.  Both my parents had left it, and it was going up for sale.  While it was on the market, I lived there.  That's when I met Fred.

I was in high school.  He wasn't.  He was many years older than I was.  At first, we were just acquaintances who would pass each other in our every day lives.  Then I found myself looking forward to chatting with him on my way home from school. 

I don't even remember how or when, but suddenly we were dating.  Friends of mine warned me he was married.  I confronted him with this as soon as I had heard.  I didn't want to be that person.  No way no how.  He wasn't worth my time if he was a cheater.  He actually showed me divorce papers.  I believed him.

Little did I know, he was living with someone else.  Had been for years.  When I found out, I tried to leave.  I cried for days and days.  I missed him so much.  Then I found out something else.  I was pregnant.

Scared, and still missing him, I told him.  We both struggled with this bit of information.  He was staying with his "wife" and I was... well, we all know what I was.

But despite this fact, I couldn't bring myself to leave.  I was alone, scared, and expecting my first child.  At least he was there to help me with that.

After my son was born, he was there quite a bit, helping me take care of the baby.  Finally, when Ryan was 2 months old, I had a scare.  I woke up sicker than a dog one morning.  I was scared that I might be pregnant again.  I went for a test right away.  Thankfully it was negative.  That's when I decided enough was enough.  Between that, and Fred's wife wanting to take custody of my son, it was time to go.

I made arrangements and got help.  I moved.  Not just to a new place.  Out of the province.  I moved to be closer to where my mother was living.

I didn't tell Fred I was going.  I just disappeared one day.  I never came back or talked to him for years. I still missed him every day, but the distance between us was helping to keep me away.

While I was gone, I started University.  Ryan and I did quite well on our own for a few years.  It was during this time I took Fred to court for child support.  He was pissed.  The court ordered him to pay all of $100/month for our son, and he still fought it.  Anyway, the courts imposed this payment, and he made it every month.  Not always on time, but I got it every month.  That's one thing I can say for him.  He might not have been there, and didn't help much, but he did what he had to.

When Ryan turned 2, we moved back to the city where his dad was living.  I looked him up.  Ryan had problems, and I couldn't afford the program that I wanted to get Ryan into for these problems.  I went to his dad to ask for help with Ryan.  I never even mentioned the program.  I just asked for help with our son.

It broke my heart, when he told me to take that child and get out of his life.

So that's exactly what we did.  We went straight from talking to Fred, to the grocery store to pick up Ryan's 2nd birthday cake.  Even then I knew it was Fred's loss.  Ryan was an amazing little boy who deserved better than that jerk.  I decided then and there Ryan would not be told about this.  Not while he was growing up anyway.  He didn't need the baggage this would cause.   

When Ryan was about 4 years old, I took Fred back to court for a better support order.  This time he was ordered to pay $400/month.  He fought that one.  The judge laughed at him  Said he was getting off with an insulting amount up to now, and $400 was more on with what his income was, so it was time to properly support this child.

That was all the support of any kind I ever got from Ryan's father.  When I married, I changed all our names to my husbands name.  We also moved out of province again within 2 weeks of getting married.  As far as I can tell, Fred has no idea where we are, or even what our names are.  It's his loss.  Ryan is an incredible young man.  I am proud that he calls me mom..

I am not 100% sure if I ever did tell Ryan this story.  I think I did at one point.  He was well into his teens, and was asking about his dad.  He wanted to meet him.  I told Ryan who his dad was, and why we left.  I also told him one day we would go back and look up his dad.  Just to be prepared in case he still hated me.  He would say nasty things to try and get even with me.  That this would have nothing to do with Ryan.  It would be hatred directed at me.

 That's my son.  The pimp costume was from Haloween in 2009.  He took 1st place for mens costume.  I took first for womens.  My love of Haloween rubbed off on him. 

1 comment:

  1. He looks a little too good in that Pimp costume! But You raised two good looking kids. And with all the support and encouragement you've given us on SparkPeople, I know you've been one hell of a mom through all the good times and bad times.