Sunday, August 19, 2012

Today, and a few revelations

I am feeling so yucky again this morning.

I woke up yesterday and wasn't feeling good right from the beginning. I ended up taking an antihistamine to help with these allergies I can't seem to shake. It really did help. But then I spent all day exhausted. Not sure why. Just felt like I didn't get any sleep at all the night before.

This morning I'm feeling drained, dry, and generally not good. I get the dry. I messed up yesterday. I didn't drink enough water. So that's the solution to that one.

I have been realizing a few things over this past week.

1. My motivation is waining again. I get a little away from my computer, and my motivation starts to wash away. I know I'm struggling to deal with some changes. The biggest is my new job. I am going through training. It's a new system. I'm good with computers, but there is always a learning curve with new systems. I am still organizing my notes, learning all the steps from start to finish with the time tickets, and trying to learn what to do when things go wrong.

I know it sounds like I'm complaining about all of the above, but I'm really not. I love the new challenge. The only issue is how mentally draining it is right now. It's actually draining so much of my energy, it's surprising me.

Top it all off, I'm trying to maintain my cleansing diet, which means planning ahead. I need to have all my food for the next day decided on well before the stores close, so I can go get whatever I need. Ideally I will have it put together before bed that night.

Actually, forget ideally. It's a necessity if I'm going to be able to get my fitness in before work in the morning.

2. This is the biggest one. It has to do with my cleansing diet, eating well, all of it. I've discovered something. I'm an instant gratification kind of person. It's having an effect on everything. When I get hungry, I want something tasty right now. Unfortunately I can't just run out to the store and pick something up.

I don't know why this is still affecting me like this. I've had to deal with being gluten free for about 3 years now. I guess the biggest thing is I learned how to cheat a little. I found the junk you can eat and still avoid gluten.

Now those are gone. I am finding I need to avoid sugar too. Well, that's a whole other layer to this issue. Even the delicious snacks that are gluten free are now mostly off limits.

If I want pasta with prego and cheese, I've gotta get the GF pasta, and make my own prego.

I am learning to cope. I have learned how to can. I have a tonne of canned fruit, ready to toss into a pie crust or under a fruit crumble crust and bake. Or even just to snack on. Today I'm making another batch of my tomato sauce so I have it on hand and ready to go when I want some.

But I'm still struggling with making sure I have enough things I want to eat on hand so I avoid getting actually hungry. Friday I planned ahead quite well. Then I over ate on the potato salad and have been paying for it ever since. Let's just say I've had digestive issues all day yesterday.

I'm feeling so overwhelmed today. There is so much to do, and I'm feeling like I just won't be able to get to it all. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. I've canned tomato sauce before. Yes, it takes a lot of time start to finish - my recipe has to cook for almost 5 hours, not including prep time, canning, etc. Once it's on the stove simmering, It's all about the timers. That's all. I can do it. I know I can. Then once it's simmering, I can do some of the other things that are on my plate for the day, including helping Lee with the new bed frame.

Top all that off with the fact that I'm finally starting to plan for my retirement. I feel a little overwhelmed by that too. I've let it go too long. I'm feeling like I just won't be able to do it. I'm worried I'll be working until the day I die.

Anyhow, I've got a lot on my mind. I need to go for a run to help deal with some of this stress. The problem is I'm not feeling well enough to get out there and run.

I would say I have no idea what's wrong with me, but if I just relax and think about it, I know what's going on. I've got too much stress in my head right now. The retirement planning, trying to get back on track with my weight loss, the lack of fitness/running for most of this past month, canning tomatoes today, the new bed frame, ... The list goes on and on.

As for the fitness or lack there of over the past month. I can't change what's past. I can only change from here forward. So I need to put that out of my mind until it's time to kick my butt out the door and go for a run. It's that simple.

Retirement planning? I've got a basic plan in place already. I just need to take the 10% off my first cheque and put it away. I'm leaning towards a GIC, but I still have a week to decide.

Tomatoes? I've been canning for weeks. Why is this batch overwhelming me? I just don't get it. I'm thinking it's other stuff going on in the background.

As for the bed frame, etc, that's Lee mostly. He just needs me to help with a few things - moving mattresses, etc. He's doing most of the work, and all of the planning for it. So as far as I'm concerned, no problems there.

Ahhh. That's a little better. Now I need to figure out what I want for breakfast.