This whole Terry thing had an interesting turn last night.
The withdraws were getting to me again. I was starting to vibrate, so I arranged with Tammy to go out to the farm for a while and visit.
Well, surprise surprise, Terry showed up. Well, to make a long story short, we got a chance to talk. Really talk. Alone.
Terry was telling me how he's feeling lost these days, so I let him talk. Get it all off his chest.
Well, before the conversation was over, he said something I never thought I'd hear from him. He made a huge mistake. The last time he remembers being happy was when we were together. He panicked and ran, and he regrets it. Thinks it's the biggest mistake he's ever made. Then he asked me to move in with him. Said he'd get "us" a place if I'd move in with him.
I just about fell out of my chair. I knew he was kind of working on me again, but wow. I told him I couldn't.
I got home and he texted. Asked me if I wanted to go to the movie.
I really need to talk to him. I can't do this, for so many reasons.
But all of this got me thinking. I remember how much I cared about him. How much it hurt when we broke up. And I remembered how I've had so many others in my life do the same thing. Jon. I was over the moon for him. Not sure why, but I cared so deeply for him. Then he asked me to leave. Two months later, he was asking to move in with me here. Bruce. It was great for years and years. But it got really bad during the breakup - divorce always can be. But he has been trying to get me back since I left. I wasn't worth saving while I was there, but as soon as I was gone... Colin. Okay, with him we did not have a relationship like that. We were room mates. But he was always so angry. He scared me. So I ran. Within 2 months, he was almost begging me to move back in.
Why am I a magnet for this kind of treatment???
Lee is so different. He treats me like a queen. All the time. He tells me he loves me. He tells me I'm beautiful. He tells me how lucky he feels. His actions and his words tell me the same thing - I am important to him.
There is no way I'm throwing away what Lee and I have for someone like Terry. Next time he texts me, I'll let him know we need to talk. I need to tell him some truths.
I need to tell him I can't afford this. He hurt me really badly last time. I can't risk it again. I won't. I'm happy now. And he needs to move on.
I came home last night. Curled up in Lee's arms for the night, and never felt better. He loves me. I can see it. I can feel it.
There never was any question about this.