Sunday, June 24, 2012

I am so worn out right now.  I am exhausted.  I am hoping I sleep well tonight.  It's been a long time since I've had a good night's sleep.  I got in a lot of hours last night, but they were broken up. 

Today I ate well.  Very well.  I am hoping I sleep well now, so I can go running tomorrow.  This will be the third week in a row where I started to run, and life got in the way.  I am getting sick n tired of starting over.  So I figure it's time for me to stop quitting.  It's the only way to not have to start over again.

I still don't know what to do about Tammy and the kids.  I think I'm just going to have to walk away from it.  Let her dig herself into a hole so deep that she can not get out. 

My daughter is moved in here now.  I'm happy about that.  It will be nice to get to know her again.  I'm so glad I get this second chance. 

Lee seems a little stressed, but I'm not surprised.  He told me today if the work here dries up, he may have to go on the road to work again.  He is thinking ahead, and planning to take care of my daughter and I until I can do it.  I love him so much.  He's such a great guy.  But I don't want him to do that.  I have to find work ASAP.  My daughter and I should be my responsibility, not his. 

Tomorrow I'll be applying for EI.  I doubt they will accept it, but the worst they can do is say no, so I might as well try.

I haven't heard from Terry since Friday evening.  He does this every weekend.  He's too busy chasing his next fix to be in touch.  I figure it's only a matter of time before he just doesn't bother to contact me again after one of his weekends.  Part of me is saddened by it all, but part of me gets that it's for the best. 

Tomorrow I'll be getting together some fliers and business cards for carpet cleaning.  I figure 3 homes and I'll have paid for the chemicals I just bought while in Calgary.  Then anything I make after that is all profit.  I will need to get a couple of bug-spray containers though to pre-spray the carpets.  I guess I can go and get them tomorrow. 

While I'm at it, I might look into getting into the battery compartment of the stripper and look into getting a new battery for the starter.  Might as well put that machine to work too.

It's time for me to pull out of this funk I'm stuck in.  Find my inner strength again and really make something of myself.  I need to get back to work.  I need to find a way to make it.  I can't keep relying on others around me.  It only leads to everyone, including me, getting hurt. 

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