I can't sleep tonight. Not sure why. All I know is there's a lot on my mind.
I ran today. It felt great. I felt strong. This evening I went for a walk. I got home and felt better than I have in a long time. I realized how motivated I feel to keep it up. I also realized how much weight I allowed myself to put back on. I sat there tonight wondering how I could let that happen. And how I could feel so trapped that I was unable to loose it again.
I'm not sure what all has changed. Heck, even this morning I was trying to talk myself out of my run. It was a huge undertaking kicking my own butt out the door to exercise. I had to trick myself. By the time I realized what I was doing, I was already 5 minutes into it.
I know my diet has changed. That's obvious. And I guess I have changed too. Something's different now. I feel stronger. Like I can do what I need to do. Like nothing can stop me now.
So why can't I sleep? I'm still not sure.
I haven't heard from Terry today, but that doesn't really bother me. I've decided it doesn't matter. I'm looking for a life partner and he's looking for his next fix. No matter what, it can never work. So I'm walking away. It doesn't really matter anyway. I've got a wonderful man who wants the same things I want.
I am actually looking forward to regaining my hard smaller body for him. I can't call it little, because I'll still be well over 6' tall, and hovering around the 200lb mark, even when I'm back in my size 9 jeans. I can't wait to get there. If I stay on track, I can be there before Halloween.
I'm picking up my daughter in a few days. She's moving down here to live. I'm so excited. I still have some work to do to get the room ready for her.
So why am I up at midnight blogging? I have no idea. I just know there's something on my mind, and I was hoping blogging would help me discover what it was. No such luck though.
Tammy texted earlier today. She offered me use of the truck, but I haven't been able to reach her since this morning. Been trying to arrange to pick up the truck tomorrow night do I can detail it on Wednesday. I guess she's brushing me off too now. I'm really getting tired of this crap from my so called friends.