Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Yesterday Lee kept coming home.  Different reasons.  I think he just wanted to see me and see if he could break the ice again.

I'm sorry to say we didn't talk.  I just don't know how to find the right words yet.  But I'm tired of all of this.

We went out for supper last night.  It was nice.  We talked a little.  I never did tell him I got a phone call for a job offer yesterday.  Mostly because I need to call back to get the offer.

But even though we haven't talked about the elephant in the room, I was thinking about it.

I think the next time this comes up, I won't just make a passing comment and walk away.  It will be time to confront the issue.  I just have to find the right words.  Accusations and attacking him won't help anyone.  I need to remember to use "I" words.  "I feel..."  "When you do... I get...." "This is affecting me ...."

That's the hardest part for me right now.  I just want to lash out at him.  I'm on the defensive, do my knee jerk reaction is to go on the offensive.  I can't do that.  Not if we are going to have a productive discussion about it.

Or maybe I can tell him just how I'm feeling, but tell him I'm not in any state to discuss it right now.  I'm too angry and upset to be productive in discussing it and don't want it to escalate into a fight.  At least he'll know just how much it upsets me, and the door will be open to talk about it later when I cool down.

Anyhow, I have more pressing issues to deal with this morning.  My run.  Phoning about that job offer.  Getting my daughter to work for 9am.  Making sure I have snack items.  I've gotta pick up some water and some milk later today.  Sounds like I've got a few things to take care of.

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