Friday, July 6, 2012

Today was a rough day.  I am a little upset. 

I was very angry this morning.  I'm not 100% sure why. 

Lee got me up before 5 again.  He was horney, and we had sex.  I usually don't in the morning, but I didn't mind today.  It was nice actually. 

But then I couldn't get back to sleep.  Well, maybe I did, but it wasn't restful.  I remember Terry/Tammy dreams.  I don't remember much about them.  I made a point of forcing them out of my thoughts as soon as I got up.  The last thing I want is to start to stew about all of that crap again.  I just remember they were prevalent in my dreams this morning.  Mostly that I was hurt.  Hurt that Terry seems to really care, but the hold drugs has on him is so strong.  Hurt that he doesn't feel he can turn to me, or be honest with me about all of it. 

Well, I finally got up, and was dropping everything.  I couldn't seem to do anything right, and it was making me angrier and angrier.  I just couldn't seem to do anything right today.

I finally got dressed and went running.  I figured it was my best bet at not blowing up. 

I spent the entire time stewing.  It took so much energy, but I still made it through my run. 

In the long run, it helped, but not right away. 

I was feeling better, then Lee took an attitude and pissed me off.  We had supper on the go.  I was making the french fries.  He at first told me we had to hurry up and get the fries going, as it was going to take 3 loads to get them all done.  So I heated the oil and started the fries.  Then he's upset because the fries are going to be done so fast...  MAKE UP YOUR FRIGGIN MIND!!!  Anyhow, I told him that.  What did he want?  He told me I had to hurry with them, so I did.  Now he's not happy that I hurried????

Then when this is all done, I came into the living room to check my email.  He decides to tell me to get off  "that damn thing" and deal with the fries.  I told him I had the timer with me, and when the 6 minutes were up, I had every intention of dealing with the fries.

I just lost my temper with him.  He's such a control freak.  I just can't seem to deal with it anymore.  I have been in denial about his control issues, but I can't deny it anymore. 

I am just about ready to tell him I'm not Christine, and I will never be her.  No one will.  It's just making me so mad. 

No comments:

Post a Comment