:(

It's been a very long week. If you've read my last blog, you will know why hubby and I are having problems. They are not getting any better.

I'm also struggling to get out and do what I need to do for my fitness. Yesterday, I was so depressed, I just went home and straight to bed. No supper. No bath. No fitness.

It wasn't good.

I can't keep doing that.

Today I HAVE to get out. Either to the gym or running after work. Either one is okay. As long as I do something.

I can't get upset by the results I didn't get with the work I didn't do. How do I expect to ever get this back on track if I let these things knock me right off???

Besides, I really felt bored last night. Bored and ashamed. Ashamed that I didn't do what I needed to do to get the job done.

The plan for tonight is either the gym or running, supper, then off to the gym to practice dancing. I've got 6 weeks before I should get back to see Richard. I need to KNOW the stuff he challenged me with this past weekend. The better I know it, and can feel it, the faster I'll progress onto something more with my dancing.

As for hubby, we still aren't really talking. I don't even know who to talk to him. I'm so upset by it all, I just want to walk away.

But then I realize what I'd be loosing. I don't know.

Why am I so confused? Maybe as good as this all is, it's just not a right fit for me. Or am I just sabotaging things because for once they are good????

I hate this.

I really need to turn my mind to better things. Find the beauty in everyday things around me again. Pull myself out of this funk.

It's my birthday in a couple of weeks. Just under 3 actually. It's a big one. Maybe that's what's bothering me?

I really don't know anymore. All I know is I'm very very sad.