I really don't know what to do. I'm not his mother. It's not my place in his life.
Maybe I just don't have a place in his life. Maybe that's what this is all about.
I TOLD him this was a deal breaker for me. So he went out and did it again 2 weeks ago. Then wondered why I pulled away from him for two weeks.
I finally came around, and he goes and does it the very next day!
I can't do this. I can't need to spend my life worrying about it, not trusting him. I won't live like that.
And honestly, at this point, I don't trust him. Obviously. I sent someone out to spy on him last night. I'm not proud of it, but that's what happened. I couldn't reach him.
I finally blew up. Told him I'm thinking of not coming back. At this point, if I didn't love my job so much, I wouldn't go back. I know. There are issues at work too that are adding to this stress.
Right now, if I could, I'd transfer to Calgary and be done with this whole mess. I'm actually thinking of going back to work and working towards that. A transfer out of here. Or maybe it's just time to walk away.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
What a friggin scam!
I am friggin PI$$ED OFF today.
I got transfered to another office at work a few weeks ago. I was told it was at most only an extra 5minute drive. WRONG. It's about twice as far.
Anyhow, out here, everyone who gets hired gets at least one hour of OT to go towards travel. It takes everyone almost an hour each way, but generally everyone gets an extra hour.
Today I talked to the boss about this. He said no. I agreed to this, and that's all there is. I told them when I accepted the job, it was with a 20min drive, not a 55min drive.
Their opinion - too bad.
I have a lot to consider now.
Do I look for a new job?
In all honesty, I like my job here. I don't mind the overtime shifts either. But come on. Heck, some guys out here get paid from the minute they leave thier house 75minutes away, until they get back.
I'm just so frustrated right now.
In the meantime, I'm not going to knock myself out anymore. Not for this crap. They have even said already, I am doing more work than the girl I am replacing. And she had the extra hour available to her.
Plus in all reality, I'm here longer! Not by much, but I'm here working at my desk 15minutes earlier EVERY DAY! I can tell you, that's going to end RIGHT NOW!
What a friggin scam.
I got transfered to another office at work a few weeks ago. I was told it was at most only an extra 5minute drive. WRONG. It's about twice as far.
Anyhow, out here, everyone who gets hired gets at least one hour of OT to go towards travel. It takes everyone almost an hour each way, but generally everyone gets an extra hour.
Today I talked to the boss about this. He said no. I agreed to this, and that's all there is. I told them when I accepted the job, it was with a 20min drive, not a 55min drive.
Their opinion - too bad.
I have a lot to consider now.
Do I look for a new job?
In all honesty, I like my job here. I don't mind the overtime shifts either. But come on. Heck, some guys out here get paid from the minute they leave thier house 75minutes away, until they get back.
I'm just so frustrated right now.
In the meantime, I'm not going to knock myself out anymore. Not for this crap. They have even said already, I am doing more work than the girl I am replacing. And she had the extra hour available to her.
Plus in all reality, I'm here longer! Not by much, but I'm here working at my desk 15minutes earlier EVERY DAY! I can tell you, that's going to end RIGHT NOW!
What a friggin scam.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
I am really not sure what this all will bring. All I know for sure is things are tense.
Hubby and I haven't really even tried to fix this yet. Instead, we are both kind of pretending it didn't really happen. Mind you, things are not right.
He bought me a necklace yesterday. I wish he hadn't. I can't be bought. So I just put it in the bag with the jeans I had just bought myself earlier that morning.
Seems strange, but my frustration out of this mess is what's fueling my motivation to move again. To not just sit here and let my behind expand anymore. I really kicked it out of the park yesterday. Not once did I feel bad for putting my moving ahead of some us activity. I had no reason to. Hubby was still nursing a hang-over, and at this point knows better than to try to guilt me into anything. He's lucky I'm still here.
Actually, if I had somewhere else to go, I would've gone for the weekend.
Anyhow, today is a new day. I have some things I really should take care of before a new work week starts. Groceries. Preparing as much as I can ahead of time regarding meals, etc. Laundry. Laying out my fitness gear so I don't have to search for it after a long day at work. Putting away the new jeans, etc I've picked up this weekend. And generally getting a game plan together.
In all honesty, I haven't slept well in a few days either. Last night was under 6 hours. I need to fix that tonight. I can't be running on half a tank of rest and fuel the huge amounts I have to do every day.
Hubby and I haven't really even tried to fix this yet. Instead, we are both kind of pretending it didn't really happen. Mind you, things are not right.
He bought me a necklace yesterday. I wish he hadn't. I can't be bought. So I just put it in the bag with the jeans I had just bought myself earlier that morning.
Seems strange, but my frustration out of this mess is what's fueling my motivation to move again. To not just sit here and let my behind expand anymore. I really kicked it out of the park yesterday. Not once did I feel bad for putting my moving ahead of some us activity. I had no reason to. Hubby was still nursing a hang-over, and at this point knows better than to try to guilt me into anything. He's lucky I'm still here.
Actually, if I had somewhere else to go, I would've gone for the weekend.
Anyhow, today is a new day. I have some things I really should take care of before a new work week starts. Groceries. Preparing as much as I can ahead of time regarding meals, etc. Laundry. Laying out my fitness gear so I don't have to search for it after a long day at work. Putting away the new jeans, etc I've picked up this weekend. And generally getting a game plan together.
In all honesty, I haven't slept well in a few days either. Last night was under 6 hours. I need to fix that tonight. I can't be running on half a tank of rest and fuel the huge amounts I have to do every day.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
2012 was a long, tough year. I can honestly say I'm glad it's over. Between the stress on the job, losing so many family members, it was just more than I could take.
I've started this year off fighting back.
First off, I'm keeping a positive blog. Trying to find something positive every day. Or a poster/picture that caries a message that has meaning to me, and will help guide me on the right path in life. At least, what I think is my right path. Today is day 12, and I've kept it up. They are not long blogs, but there is one there for every day. I'm still working this into my daily routine. Once it finds an appropriate "spot", it'll take 3 weeks of doing it then to become a habit.
I am also working on my weight loss again. I've found I've struggled and kept giving up on myself time after time. A couple of nights ago, I had a lot of trouble breathing. Just like the asthma-like attacks I used to have. It was frustrating to think they are coming back again, but it shouldn't surprise me. Last summer I noticed the heartburn and abdominal pains are back too.
This attack made me realize I really can't just keep waiting for something to happen to make the weight go away. I NEED to do it. I need to make the steps. NOW.
On Friday morning, I tried on my jacket that I got from the Las Vegas RnR marathon. It was tight when I bought it. Well, it was not as tight yesterday. It is still pulling across my chest, but not as much. Hubby walked in and busted out laughing. When I got mad at him, he told me that would never change. I told him it would so. When I loose weight, it gets looser. That's just the way it goes. Well, he doesn't believe that. I left for work angry. Heck, I'm still angry about that one.
It made me realize something though. He's been like this from the start. The "go-to" meal around here is pasta. Yes, I make my own pasta sauce, and it's great. But having pasta as much as we do, no wonder I've put on pounds. When Hubby suggested pasta on Thursday night, I went out, bought chicken breasts, and cooked up my old go-to meal when I was loosing weight. Grilled chicken breast with a little seasoning, baked potato with a little bit of butter, salt and pepper, and lots of vegetables. Doesn't really matter what kind. Even frozen will do in a pinch. Just lots and lots of vegetables. That entire dinner comes to under 500 calories. If I'm really hungry and craving more protein, another chicken breast will only add another 171 calories. That still does not set me too high for my supper.
When I try to set aside time/energy to go running, he does all he can to make sure it doesn't happen. Talks me out of it. Makes me feel bad for being too tired/sore to have sex after. You name it, he has done it.
It's taken me months to be sure, but now I am. He doesn't want me to loose the weight. He does everything in his power to try to stop it.
I can't keep letting this happen. It's my body. It's my choice. I can't let him keep taking that away from me. Look at where it's gotten me so far.
The positivity blog I'm keeping seems to be helping when this kind of crap gets thrown at me. I actually created another positive blog AFTER all of this happened. So although it does make me angry, it no longer completely ruins my day.
Yesterday was a day to be ruined. It started out with Hubby laughing about my trying on that jacket. Then I got stuck in a severe winter storm. I did make it home safe, but was really frazzled by the time I did. Then when Hubby came home, he didn't seem to have any idea why I might be out of sorts. I really don't get what's wrong with men. Anyhow, he went out for the afternoon, and didn't come home until after midnight, drunk. Yes, he drove his truck drunk again. The one thing I told him was a deal breaker for me.
Anyhow, I don't know what I'm going to do. I just want to dig my car out and leave town, at least for the weekend. Where am I going to go? I just don't think staying here is a good idea. So for right now, I've got the coffee on. I'm updating my blogs. And I'm going to just stay put.
But I am going to go out for a run today. No if's-and's-or-but's about that one.
I've started this year off fighting back.
First off, I'm keeping a positive blog. Trying to find something positive every day. Or a poster/picture that caries a message that has meaning to me, and will help guide me on the right path in life. At least, what I think is my right path. Today is day 12, and I've kept it up. They are not long blogs, but there is one there for every day. I'm still working this into my daily routine. Once it finds an appropriate "spot", it'll take 3 weeks of doing it then to become a habit.
I am also working on my weight loss again. I've found I've struggled and kept giving up on myself time after time. A couple of nights ago, I had a lot of trouble breathing. Just like the asthma-like attacks I used to have. It was frustrating to think they are coming back again, but it shouldn't surprise me. Last summer I noticed the heartburn and abdominal pains are back too.
This attack made me realize I really can't just keep waiting for something to happen to make the weight go away. I NEED to do it. I need to make the steps. NOW.
On Friday morning, I tried on my jacket that I got from the Las Vegas RnR marathon. It was tight when I bought it. Well, it was not as tight yesterday. It is still pulling across my chest, but not as much. Hubby walked in and busted out laughing. When I got mad at him, he told me that would never change. I told him it would so. When I loose weight, it gets looser. That's just the way it goes. Well, he doesn't believe that. I left for work angry. Heck, I'm still angry about that one.
It made me realize something though. He's been like this from the start. The "go-to" meal around here is pasta. Yes, I make my own pasta sauce, and it's great. But having pasta as much as we do, no wonder I've put on pounds. When Hubby suggested pasta on Thursday night, I went out, bought chicken breasts, and cooked up my old go-to meal when I was loosing weight. Grilled chicken breast with a little seasoning, baked potato with a little bit of butter, salt and pepper, and lots of vegetables. Doesn't really matter what kind. Even frozen will do in a pinch. Just lots and lots of vegetables. That entire dinner comes to under 500 calories. If I'm really hungry and craving more protein, another chicken breast will only add another 171 calories. That still does not set me too high for my supper.
When I try to set aside time/energy to go running, he does all he can to make sure it doesn't happen. Talks me out of it. Makes me feel bad for being too tired/sore to have sex after. You name it, he has done it.
It's taken me months to be sure, but now I am. He doesn't want me to loose the weight. He does everything in his power to try to stop it.
I can't keep letting this happen. It's my body. It's my choice. I can't let him keep taking that away from me. Look at where it's gotten me so far.
The positivity blog I'm keeping seems to be helping when this kind of crap gets thrown at me. I actually created another positive blog AFTER all of this happened. So although it does make me angry, it no longer completely ruins my day.
Yesterday was a day to be ruined. It started out with Hubby laughing about my trying on that jacket. Then I got stuck in a severe winter storm. I did make it home safe, but was really frazzled by the time I did. Then when Hubby came home, he didn't seem to have any idea why I might be out of sorts. I really don't get what's wrong with men. Anyhow, he went out for the afternoon, and didn't come home until after midnight, drunk. Yes, he drove his truck drunk again. The one thing I told him was a deal breaker for me.
Anyhow, I don't know what I'm going to do. I just want to dig my car out and leave town, at least for the weekend. Where am I going to go? I just don't think staying here is a good idea. So for right now, I've got the coffee on. I'm updating my blogs. And I'm going to just stay put.
But I am going to go out for a run today. No if's-and's-or-but's about that one.
Friday, January 11, 2013
This morning Hubby really pissed me off. This is a bad one.
He knows I'm not happy with the weight I've put on. I have a jacket that used to fit, and now "stretches" across my chest when I zip it up.
Today I tried it on. It's a little looser than it was. I haven't been able to focus on my weight loss, but I felt so wonderful. It's a little looser.
Well, he walked in and busted out laughing. The told me that it will never change.
I got pissed off and walked out. No good-bye kiss on my way to work. Just walked.
I don't even want to be here now. I'm home early - a winter storm has shut my office down for the day. You can see the mess of that all in my previous two blogs.
Anyhow, I'm done with his crap. No more talking me into not pushing my fitness like I KNOW I need to in order to see progress/results. No more talking me into eating out, or making pasta my "go to" supper. I'm DONE.
And if he thinks sex is going to come before my running, he's off his nut. At this point, I don't even want him touching me at all.
He knows I'm not happy with the weight I've put on. I have a jacket that used to fit, and now "stretches" across my chest when I zip it up.
Today I tried it on. It's a little looser than it was. I haven't been able to focus on my weight loss, but I felt so wonderful. It's a little looser.
Well, he walked in and busted out laughing. The told me that it will never change.
I got pissed off and walked out. No good-bye kiss on my way to work. Just walked.
I don't even want to be here now. I'm home early - a winter storm has shut my office down for the day. You can see the mess of that all in my previous two blogs.
Anyhow, I'm done with his crap. No more talking me into not pushing my fitness like I KNOW I need to in order to see progress/results. No more talking me into eating out, or making pasta my "go to" supper. I'm DONE.
And if he thinks sex is going to come before my running, he's off his nut. At this point, I don't even want him touching me at all.
January 11 2013 - blizzard blew in while I was at work
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Still adjusting to the longer hours at work. Not sure how long I'll have them, so I'm taking full advantage while I can.
I don't mind the longer hours. It's just hard, with a 45minute drive each way as well. Harder when the prarie winter storms turn my drive into 2hours + one way.
All in all I'm enjoying the new office, and the extra hours.
Hubby and I are going to Las Vegas again. March 10. For the Nascar races on Sunday. Flights have worked out that we are there for a week again, so we are booking shows, etc.
This time we are going with some friends of his.
I'm excited to go. It'll be nice to get away. All the stress and crap that was going on at work. I know. It's gone now, but it sure took a toll.
With the longer hours at work, I am struggling to find time for fitness. I'm not giving up though. I'm going to find a way to make this all work.
I don't mind the longer hours. It's just hard, with a 45minute drive each way as well. Harder when the prarie winter storms turn my drive into 2hours + one way.
All in all I'm enjoying the new office, and the extra hours.
Hubby and I are going to Las Vegas again. March 10. For the Nascar races on Sunday. Flights have worked out that we are there for a week again, so we are booking shows, etc.
This time we are going with some friends of his.
I'm excited to go. It'll be nice to get away. All the stress and crap that was going on at work. I know. It's gone now, but it sure took a toll.
With the longer hours at work, I am struggling to find time for fitness. I'm not giving up though. I'm going to find a way to make this all work.
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